Virtual Reality
The dawn of a new era. The era of a new virtual reality. We may have thought we were living in a modern virtual age a few months ago, but our new worldwide circumstances have made us think again. We now truly are living a virtual reality. In today’s Brave New World (pretty damn close, right?) we work on screens, we socialize on screens, we learn on screens, we eat on screens, we unwind on screens, we are in relationship with each other, ourselves and the world…on screens. It’s wild. It’s surreal. It’s heartbreaking. But, it’s also inspiring. And has opened up a vastness of opportunity.
As doulas, we are and have been quite familiar with virtual support and interaction. In fact, it’s a keystone of our practice. It’s not possible for us to be physically be with our clients all the time, but part of the allure of a doula is having 24/7 emotional support and quite literally someone at the ready should you need more support at a moment’s notice. And a good portion of the support we provide during labors and births is virtual. In early labor phases, we text and chat over the phone with our client’s and their partners to offer suggestions, to coach, to check in and even to assess where a woman is in labor and how she’s managing. Sometimes, although usually unplanned, we are even providing virtual support through the birth of the baby either because things went so quickly we could not make it or because the parents were managing so well on their own that they never requested the doula’s physical presence.
Despite this, so many soon-to-be parents are now dismissing the idea of hiring a doula because she can’t be physically present to support them. Of course, many parents aren’t aware of some of the nuances of doula services, including the extent of the virtual support that they have always provided. But what this should be telling us is that, for the most part, people still don’t understand what doulas really do and where their value lies.
Certainly, having a doula present at your birth to press on your back in just the right spot or hold your hand when you need reassurance is irreplaceable but that’s not where she’s most valuable. It is the doula’s ability to hold space and offer guidance on the woman’s journey of empowerment in herself. The power to become knowledgable about the process, the power to have opinions and feelings about those options, the power to express what she wants and most importantly, the power to stand up for herself and make the choices that will get her what she wants. For a woman to have a positive birth experience she must know, without a doubt, that she made all the right choices for herself and that they were her choices. She must know that she did it; this ultimate act of life.
A doula’s purpose is not to avoid an epidural or advocate around interventions or help with the first breastfeed, although she does do all of that too. She is a source of a light. A light that shines on something that already exists within the pregnant woman: her feminine power. This comes from connection. A connection that awakens a power she may never have had control of before. And that connection can happen from anywhere around the world. Our current situation has shown us that.
So, please, if you’re having a baby now, do yourself a favor and hire a doula! Don’t worry about the logistics of your birth plan or when and where she’ll be. Just seek out the right connection and lean into her support. She’ll be more valuable to you than you ever imagined. And I promise that after it all you will think she was worth every penny even if she doesn’t spend a second with you during labor.